Some lessons from God come gently, like a soft whisper that touches our hearts and leaves us comforted. Others come like a searchlight—revealing hidden places we didn’t even know needed healing. In this honest and deeply personal reflection, Cadet NtandoyeNkosi Masango—currently undergoing Out-Training at Vleifontein Corps in the Limpopo Division—shares what happened when the Good Shepherd came searching for one of His own. What follows is a beautiful reminder that even in seasons where forgiveness feels far away, God is never done pursuing us with His redeeming love.
Imagine a shepherd who loses one of his sheep. Upon realizing this, he sets out in search of the lost sheep, calling out to it until he finds it and returns it to his fold. The wandering sheep, on the other hand, can either stop in its tracks and turn back as soon as it hears the shepherd’s voice faintly calling from a distance, or it can run further away, putting itself at greater risk of being devoured by those lurking nearby (Matthew 18:10–14).
From the day of my conviction, my life has been about responding to the call of my Shepherd, the Lord Jesus Christ, and being saved from the spiritual harm that many experience due to the hardness of heart. I find God’s heart in these words: “In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish” (v. 14).
I was lost in unforgiveness without even realizing it. Whenever an unpleasant memory from the past crossed my mind, I would feel anger—first toward myself and then toward the offender—thinking about how I should have responded instead of remaining silent. “How could I have let them do this to me?” I would ask myself. This became a weapon the enemy used to steal my peace. This hidden emotion, buried deep within me, would even surface toward people who had done nothing to deserve it.
Old grudges weighed heavily on my heart, affecting my relationships with friends, family, and even the people I am serving during my Out-Training placement. Then, one day, when such thoughts entered my mind, I felt the Holy Spirit calling me back from wandering in unforgiveness. He urged me to forgive myself and those who had wronged me, and so I did—I turned away from that burden. I prayed and asked God to forgive me for unknowingly holding onto grudges.
I have forgiven myself and those who hurt me, and as soon as I prayed that prayer, I felt lighter. I am no longer carrying unreleased emotions. I feel a deep peace in my heart—the kind that can only be found in Jesus. My own understanding cannot fully grasp it, but I thank the Lord for being a good Shepherd in my life. I believe He is pleased that I turned to Him and admitted my sin.
Knowing that the Spirit has searched and found me, that He continues to cleanse me, removing every stain, renewing my heart, and bringing me fully into His fold, gives me peace that surpasses all understanding. I continue to pray Jeremiah 17:14 over my life: “Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me, and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”